So Sorry-by Feist

We don't need to say goodbye
We don't need to fight and cry
Oh we, we could hold each other tight
tonight

These lyrics have been stuck in my head all afternoon, it's really a beautiful song. Relaxing, soothing tune and everything :) Thing is, all I can think about when I listen to it is one guy. I know, I know, don't tell me about it, boys shmoys. It's just kinda lame, and yet mezmerizing, that after all this time, when I think of him, there is still this paralyzed image of him...and I can't be mad at him. I can't think negatively of him. All I think of is the way he used to grab my hand because he loved to hold it, the way he use to kiss my eyes, the little gaze he gave me that says, well, okay it said lots of things lots of different times and it's too much to try and type :) It's just so weird, why does my heart still have this tinge of desire when I think of his face? All I can think of or ever choose to dwell on is the old, amazing 'him' that I once knew. I can only imaginatively 'gaze upon' the good things of 'him'. Considering this as just a good ol' quality that everyone should have; only seeing the good in others, is an incomplete and untrue thought. It would only be labeled as an excuse, and I know if I chose to don it my own, it would only be that. A flittering, decaying, hopeless idea of what really isn't going on. Now, just because I am saying this, acknowledging what I should not do, doesn't mean I do know what to do. But that's the beauty of God being in control :) I don't have a clue, so I let it go. I let it fall through the wind like pollen falling from a flower, gently landing on the soggy, green grass. Until a bird or a little bug comes along and picks it up. Makes sense of the whole thing, defines it. Gives it a purpose, and tells tales of lessons learned from the little dust of pollen. :) God is my little bird, he will make sense of my silly thoughts. He will define my baby heart aches and give them a reason for being. I only call them 'baby' heart aches because...I'm sure a more numerous and brutal pile will accumilate throughout my life. While this one, little pollen baby, somewhat dissapears. And what I will have left of it is the peace of knowing I got through it, I'm alive, and I'm happy. :)

Carry me Jesus
Carry me through
Oh, Jesus, rinse me
Rinse me full through

I don't at all know
I'm questioning what
I do and don't know

Whether or not
You give me a clue
Whether or not
You say that it's true

I'll always love you
I will stay true
I'll always love you
You hold me right through

My issues will fall
they will fall like the dew

Jesus, You love me
I know that You do :]