Coffee, or tea?

I wanna live somewhere cold

somewhere chilly where the air touches my coat

Somewhere the sun shines and makes a surprise

Where a warm day is a special treat, not a dead heat

I wanna live somewhere where the clouds always make shapes

I see ice cream cones and puppy dogs and dragons and umbrellas!

I wanna live somewhere with green grass everywhere

and spring is the only season

some days I make coffee some days I make iced tea

Some days we go outside and fly kites

then some days we stay inside and curl up with a book

Reading to the surround sound of rain drops clicking their heels on my windows

I wanna live somewhere... somewhere with You

Somewhere where the clouds don't harm and dollar signs mean nothing

Where music is almost always playing

and painters only paint beautiful things

where iced cream isn't bad for you and the word 'self-defense' doesn't exist

Because the only thing in this place to defend would be my love for You

and Your love for me, which I would have no trouble knowing in this place

This place would have no doubts, no second thoughts 

or lack of trust, no stubborn pride or dangerous lies

No bribes or sneaks or dietribes

This place would hold the weight of joy in it's sky

and no one would ever question 'why?'

Now I realize this seems suspicious

and I wouldn't want a Stepford Life

someday this time will come when Your time is right 

I'll live among the angels and always sing Your praise

For now I will appreciate the freedom I have to choose You every morning

and know You every night

Help me love without fear, walk without falling and trust without doubting

But when I fear and doubt and fall, these things I know I'll do

bless me with Your mercy and meet me with Your grace

And I will accept this gift, and regive it to the world

Mexican Train

I'm playing Mexican Train with some of my family here in Texas. It's quite a variety, there are beautiful things about us being together, and there are...oh, how shall I say this? Horrific things about us all being together.

Aunt Patsy; middle child of 6 kids, my mom was the youngest. Aunt Patsy was a math teacher, and a principle, and drives a hybrid, and loves to be uniquely "democratic" in the midst of all the Texan Bush supporters. Also, I didn't mention a very important part of my Aunt, she never got married or had kids, soooo all of us lovely nieces and nephews get to be loved by her :) and sometimes followed by her thumb, but hey, we all follow something.

Aunt Ginny; at one point in my life, when I was a small, naive child, I told my mom I didn't even think Aunt Ginny was really part of our family. She sure was a sour lady, I thought, and her face looked like she had just eaten sour skittles or a jar of pickles. But things have changed very much, and my Aunt Ginny is the dearest to my heart of all the aunts. She came to the know the Lord in the past few years through some difficult events in her life and I am so excited to party in heaven with her someday! But I don't have to wait, we can party together here for the time being. She is married to the next family member,

Unlce Jim. Uncle Jim is my favorite Uncle (Sorry Donald, Randy and Jack!). He played a major role in the events that shattered he and Aunt Ginny's life, but has always been the kindest man I know. I would say he ties with my dad but my dad's driving habits bump him to second ;). Anyway, he and Ginny both found Jesus on their hard road through the last few years. God has found him and used him so mighily! I'm so happy to know him ;).

Mom; uuuuhh, you all know my mom, right? Big heart, but lots of empty space, too. Lots of love, but lots of pain from her life. So much love and trust in the Lord, but such a huge thirst for control. I love her and she changes my life every day, sometimes for the worse but always for the better. I mean that, even when the things she does effect me in a negative way or produce a bad habit within me, God's glory shines by coming in and changing that in me. He becomes the goodness even in the bad. And I know Him more for it. Anyway, shes the youngest, which is a place in life that we share :) and we have so much fun. Shes one of my best friends, a habitual throat-clearer (that's how I used to find her in the store when I was lost, even now in the other room I can hear her clearing her throat! =O), an amzingly talented and obssessive beader (jewelry), habitual drinker (not alcoholic, she goes through stages of drinking certain things ALL the time, vanilla frappuchinos, dr. pepper, Passion tea, lemon water, iced single vente skinny vanilla latte, coke, iced tea, just to name a few of her stages), and dedicated Bible Study Fellowship attendee and secretary! She also always has to be accomplishing something, always. She prays while she falls asleep so she can even be accomplishing something while shes relaxing.

Dad; oh snap. My dad is awesome. Happiest, most positive guy ever. Financial planner, genuine friend and really good salesman. Haha one thing about my dad that I love is sometimes he'll walk into a room to say hi and say, "Just thought I'd come in and bring my happy gene!" He teaches me what love is every day. He also has some personality traits that are sort of harmful to my heart, and sometimes I don't treat him like I love him because of those things. But I try and turn those personality traits into prayers to God, He takes all my little 'gifts' and shows me how they are perfect in Him, because He is The Perfect Father. But a lot of the time I don't bring it to God and screw it up myself. My daddy knows Jesus and Jesus will mold him when the time is right.

Jonothon; uuuh, too much and not enough to say all at once. He is the brother closest to me in age out of the five of us kids. He just turned 21 and I'm going to be 18 in July. We've always had issues, but have also loved each other more than words could say. I think the enemy wanted to take our relationships with Christ (we were the only two around for a while that knew the Lord) and turn them into harm for Christ's kingdom. The enemy didn't want us doin' any good for the King and His Kingdom so he had us quarrel and disrespect each other and bury pain and bitterness for each other in our hearts...pretty much throughout life. So instead of showing God's love to our family in unity, we fought and bickered (but God is good and turns mourning into dancing and the night into day!) But, he is my brother, not only in blood, but in Christ, and I love him dearly. He is like my dad, joyful, passive, childish and loving...and painful.

Lauren; oh my only sister :). She brings a smile to my face whenever I think of her or say her name. Often times, though, the smile fades quickly after because I desperately want my sister to know my Perfect Father Who loves her so much! And she does not know His beauty and truth right now, but the Lord is good :). Lauren is a hard-working, independent and foxy 24 year old young woman whom I am proud to call my sister. She helps me learn how to stand my ground and not be a people pleaser, to defend myself and speak my voice, she shows me what it means to grow up because none of my other siblings know how to do it. Again, I love her and always enjoy our eye rolls accross the table at family gatherings (that's what the front of her birthday card says this year, shhh, she hasn't read it yet).

Aaaaaand, oh, me :). I am 17, the youngest of 5 kids, my family is originally from Texas even though I do not live there now. I am on vacation there now, though, with my mother, father and brother. Lauren still lives here in Texas and my other two brothers are at 'home' in Arizona. Um, anyway, yes, I am 17, I love my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ with all my heart, soul, and mind and pray every day to live recklessly for Him because I am completely lost without Him. He carries me through fires that would have long ago burned me away if I didn't know Him. I like iced tea, iced cream (blue bell!!), puppies, and reading. And folk music, and all forms of artistic expression. I love my family that the Lord has blessed me with through sisters and brothers from other mothers ;), aka my family in Christ! You know who you are; Kim, Megan, Jason, Amanda, Amanda, Kristina, Christine, Monique, Jill, Brooke, Jane, Jared, Jordan, Jason, Julie, Louise, Brittany, Steve, Dom, Jenny, Jenni, Sarah, Taylor, Jordan, Jay, Mikey, Kiki, Karen, Emily, Kat, Divina, Megan, Simone, Madi, Jordan, Jordan, Emily, Julie, Andrew, Apryl ooooh way too many to think of. Oh, Jason, James, Shannon, Tami, Chelsea, Brianna, Annika, Brianna, Tori, Alyssa, Dan, Katie, Brittany, Creg oooohkay I need to stop I love too many people the internet can't hold all your names.

So, I've been getting to know some other things about myself through playing Mexican Train with my crazy family. I am afraid to become like them. Okay, so these are some things I realized before playing Mexican Train, but whatever. They became even more illuminated and evident under the light of dominoes and barbecue. I am afraid to be rude, judgemental, controlling...disrespectful. I'm afraid to have lazy kids and not raise them right, I'm afraid to displease (okay, so some of these are just things I already suck at), I'm afraid to be angry. I'm afraid of Menopause. I'm afraid of unhappiness and displeasure. I'm afraid of all of these things, but, can I control them? To some extent, yes, but I'm always going to have flaws and be imperfect, (another thing I'm afraid of).

I'm afraid to fail because I am a failure, and I guess I'm afraid of who I am? Maybe, but I think I'm mostly afraid of failing because I'm afraid I won't be forgiven. HA. That's the farthest thing from the truth. That is the most ridiculous thing, I think God may have just laughed. But I think I'm afraid of not being forgiven because of the fleshly responses I am familiar with. I mean that all we know as far as grace goes is either actual responses in our own lives or stories in other peoples lives. So, who in your life loves unconditionally and eternally? Who do you know that would love and forgive you if you murdered their entire family? Who do you know that would kill someone in their family for YOU? And speaking in less extreme terms, who would take a day out of their busy life to hold you when you cry? Who do you know that would not hold a grudge against you for stealin' their significant other? Who do you know that is not jealous of anybody, never speaks negatively of someone, or says anything less than "I love them...so much." of anyone they know? Maybe some people you know are like this, I've known a few, but I can say confidently that I now many more selfish, jealous, and prickly people than I do pure souls. I know one when I look in the mirror. I know those people when I walk into my kitchen, and go to my best friends house, and sit with my small group, and go to the place where I feel the happiest. They are on every corner and in every conversation, even the pure souls have cracks of imperfection in their hearts. We all have caverns, we all have broken cisterns needing to be filled (Jon Foreman song) and we all hurt other people. We all express our wrath in some form or another that harms another person.

But my point is not to prove our broken nature, I'm sure you can all see that. My point is to say that for those of us that make it hard to take Christ's free gift of grace, feel that way because of some experience in our life. Because of every breath we breath and every day we live and every person we encounter, no one is the Lord and none of us can be the Lord for someone else. He alone is good and pure and just and He alone can hold our iniquities and mold them into beauty. We can only know that through the truth of Christ's Word, there alone can we find Christ's truth, we see it in the people that know His truth, but they know it by living in His Word! All truth of grace and mercy comes from that, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God" (John 1:1). He is truth, He is the Word, the Word is truth.

Let us stand on this and breath it in. He alone is my grace and peace when my family falls. When anger intrudes my brothers heart and hatred responds in the other brother. When ignorance steals my fathers soul, and despair floods my mothers eyes, when emptiness wipes accross my sisters face and pride captures my brothers heart, my Lord, my Perfect Father is my cup. He is my portion when I turn to other lovers and follow the lies, He is my heart when my strength fails, and He is my hand when I reach for the plow. I do not look back, I finish the race, I fight the good fight and I pray in faith knowing He will meet me with grace at my disgrace.

Make me into Yours so I will not be theirs.

Lord, You are good!

The lyrics from that song I haven't heard in forever come to mind

"You are my hope, Your promise never fails me, And my desire Is to follow You forever"

"Lord, You are good, Lord You are good, Lord You are good to me!"

I love you, You are my hope, Your promise never fails me, and my desire is to follow You forever :)

I Repent in Dust and Ashes

Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned. And I will sin. And You will be faithful and just to forgive me.

You say to come as I am, to bring my burdens and give You my shame. You ask for the goodness in me to come from the same hands as the bad stuff. You ask me to fall. To neal at Your feet and worship You with an honest heart, of repentance and joy. 

So this I will do, repent in dust and ashes and know, without doubting, that You will clean my slate. You will wipe my dirty face. You will vacuum the dark, hidden corners of my soul. And I will meet You at Your grace, as You meet me at my disgrace. 

I repent in dust and ashes, in the form that I have come and the form that I will go. Forgive me, Holy, Just and Merciful God, clean me in and out, behind and before, just as You knew my frame before the proof of my creation was known, Lord clean every curve and blemish and corner and surface. I will rejoice in You! Your mercy is like a spring! Your Waters wash over me and lay me in the arms of Your grace. Make me pure, Tohara, Mukdeshet, Mekudeshet, Hekdesh... I will see You, Lord, my heart is pure. Save me once again, I will fall.

Oh How He Loves Us So

Listen to this :) Kim Walker with Jesus Culture sings of His GREAT LOVE FOR US!!!! OH HOW HE LOVES US!

My heart is hard and I am hurt by many things right now, including myself! And in the midst of that I find that one of the only things than can soften my heart is hearing this young woman scream of HOW MUCH OUR GOD LOVES US!!! She sings it so loud and proud and I know it is true, even in my weakness and bitterness and pride and insecurity and ignorance; He loves me. Yes I should repent, I need to lay down my sin before Him and mourn over it and open my heart up for His grace! The fact that He still loves me in the midst of my sin does not mean I don't need to repent. But even while He hurts that my heart doesn't know how to get past my childish immaturity and ask for forgiveness for my stupidity or even to accept His beautiful grace once I do ask Him to forgive me, even then, my Lord loves me! He watches me return to my vomit like a dog and pursue my sin and feed my selfishness and please the other lovers in my life, and He still loves me. He looks down on this earth, not even that, He watches me and walks beside me and sees the selfish things I do, and He just can't wait until I turn around and fall on my knees saying, "Father, forgive me! I do the things I don't want to do and I don't do the things I want to do! Please forgive me and walk with me!" and He will wrap me in mercy! Like the prodigal Son, I return from spoiling my inheritance and eating with the swine, asking my Father to take me as a servant and forgive me for what I have done but He won't allow me to be a servant, I am His daughter! He won't settle for me cleaning toilets and raking leaves, He wants to prepare a party for me and wrap me in His arms and invite back into His home and His heart and His trust and LOVE ME! How beautiful is that love? 

growth makes me smile today :)

I have a daisy :) want to hear the story?

setting: Tucson, fall 2008.   purpose: adventure to find something we didn't even know we needed until we found it!   

fellow adventurer: Michelle Condon

 

The morning started with meteor-sized pancakes; one blueberry and one apple with candied pecans, drinking deep of endless coffee refills and drinking even deeper one of the others soul. Imagine IHOP, but smaller, like the size of a convenience store and worn, wooden tables with picturesque hand-painted walls. After leaving our name with an older, fire-engine red headed woman we see a bulletin board of the local sports achievements, budding gymnasts and smiley cheerleaders of the local high school. It is stuffed with pictures and is ready to entertain our waiting, hungry Sunday morning tummy's. We sat down and un-perched our menus from the little metal frame with jam and sugar packets and soon after the Promised Land might as well have fallen through the ceiling because the man with the coffee mug stopped at our table. Michelle convincingly (although its not hard to do with me) spoke of the huge, hearty pancakes she had delighted herself in on a previous visit to this fantastic, bustling, breakfast heaven, so I ordered them. And boy, were they delightful! Thank you Bobo's for making that happen. Note: if you are planning on visiting this wonderful Bobo's anytime soon and order pancakes, you best get your self the candied pecans (or was it walnuts?) along with whichever flavor you choose. If you do not you will be bitterly tasting your neighbors pancakes with the delicious candied crunchies and glance back at the cook to see if he might telepathically send some your way. Nevertheless, this breakfast was fantastic! Even if I couldn't finish it...

Okay, so the next stop; a bench on University Dr. being encouraged by Michelle's incredible faith in an incredibly stubborn circumstance. Lord, thank you for her joy! The world around her needs a breath of her peace in the midst of stormy waters. Details will stay recorded in time as they happened, unflawed and only in our memories :). Comfy benches and beautiful day though! 

So...here we are. Ready for the real treat, the climax, the silver lining on a cloud thats already incredibly bright! Wilco. This store is a more spacial, and possibly more sophisticated version of la Grande Orange; the gift shop section (but who needs sophistication, honestly). If I was a recording artist, oozing with talent, sang my songs, travelled on tours and received oodles of money, I'd by a pair of earrings...or all the jewelry in the case... at this store. Fantastic, gold with jewels, deep, rich and romantic colored jewels, of tasteful size I might add! Very dainty and elegant with a hint of Bohemia. Anywho, thats what I thought I wanted, until I saw the daisy in a box. Michelle eyed the basil in a box and proceeded to imagine cooking uses and a good-smelling house. But I was ecstatic at the sight of having my very own daisy baby's! So I bought them, possibly out of impulse, sure. But That impulse has paid back! I now have a bright, yellow bud! As soon as I arrived home from the drive back from Tucson with my sweet companion Brianna, I jumped on those 'flower in a box' instructions and proceeded to imagine my dainty daisy growing. I cleaned all the seeds, as instructed, and whatta ya know, only one sprout! Well, there were three, but two were too fragile to survive very long. But, I loved my little sprout. I watered it, let the sunrise woo it to youth and eventually maturity. And now what do I see? Yellow! A bud! A yellow daisy will grow! It's not just a weed! Those twelve dollars weren't teasing me! I really see yellow! Yellow has never been such a wonderful color as it was when I stooped to water my suspecting weed and saw a tiny circle of bright, canary life. It is not a weed, weeds are not daisies, and daisies are not weeds. My flower will grow! And whether it lives 8 months or 1 day I will love it and smile about it every time I see it or think about it. 

I think Jesus might feel a little bit like I did, nurturing the plant and seeing only pointy, weedy leaves. He loves us without end and waits for us without a second thought. But we provide no bud. No bright spring of life! Not even a tiny circle of golden sun. He waters us with His eternal spring (John 4:14) and shines His unfailing grace and steadfast love (Psalm 103:4 & 8) on our adolescent, immature and growing souls, but do we notice? Do we peak out of our stubborn lives to bask in His mighty, life-giving power?! I don't! I think I can push through myself and grow up all by myself, who needs living streams? Who needs the saving Son? I do. But I still try and live as a putrid weed on my own strength, just to be trampled under-foot and pulled up (Jer. 42:10, Ps. 52:5) from the gardener's hand. So much of the time I am no different than the plants in the other garden, the East field. The field that my Father does not tend. Someone could pass by me and not see the light that I should bring, people pass by and are not changed. They trample underfoot the creation that should tower over them with love; me. A daisy, a weed? A child of God, a servant of the world? Do I speak with love on my lips, or lies on my tongue? Does my heart beat for the poor (Jam. 1:27) or do I seek my own agenda? Do I seek to please my Father in heaven, or the world (Gal. 1:10)? I point no fingers, I walk the way of the wild donkey too often. Lord, walk through me the Opposite Way! 

There were other glorifying parts of our day together, but for fear of recreating them for your mind as less captivating than when we experienced them that day, I will not tell them! Just know, it was great. And for all the little daisies in your life, the tiny but meteor sized blessings in your days, be thankful for them. Nurture them and be nurtured by them. And ask yourself, "am I stubborn weed? Or am I a willing, bright, yellow bud that shines?"

Read this!

Awesome article! Don't stop readin' the Word though. :)

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

You said something that meant something to me, all because you live in a way that gives me hope.
I told you what you mean to me and how you change my life, you said that you were proud of me and asked if there was light.
[To tell you the truth, it's nothing in me. To tell you the truth, even if there was no light, He'd still be the light inside of me.]
I hope you don't guess or wander in your thoughts, what I could've meant or what the problem is. He's holdin' on to us and I know, I'm a lot more blessed than most.
There is a light, and it's already here. It'll be here when the storm subsides and will stay long after the last drop dries. It was here before the first storm came, when the sky was unaware of rain.
So just to let you know again, you mean so much to me, the way you live your life and love. I hope that you can see, it's done something in me. I see what he can be and I see what God can see, in all the other men who walk and live their lives quite differently.

"...not my will, but Yours be done."

My life has changed
more than I thought it could
My life has changed
would I have left if I knew?
If I watched a TV screen
of what it is
would I have known my name?
Would I recognize the pain?
Would I identify the silent rooms
and empty words
and anger beaten, hungry souls?
I would've cried for us
and wished my heart to die for us
I would have reached
my hand up to my mouth
in disbelief that
the love had ceased
I'd try to understand the words
and want to reach my hand
into their world
and fix the broken pieces
lift up the hollow eyes
and hug the empty creases.

"My God, my God
why hast thou forsaken me?"
I cry in the moment of my
all too often weakness.
But in the same breath
of my distress
I know You haven't left.
I know You never leave
Your place, Your home
inside my heart.
I know that You belong inside
and You often clean in me
whats locked up, concealed.
My doubt, my pride
my envy and my tongue.
In my moment of forgotten truth
You come and send a whisper
of Your gift of grace and peace
that I can rest in
and hold with me.
You send a whisper of the faith
that You so freely give to me.
"Ask for wisdom
and you will receive,
just ask without doubting
and in faith you shall see."
So I ask You, Father
who will never leave
or turn a blind eye
to an aching cheek
to give me wisdom
where i am weak
to give me patience
where control I seek.
Lord, give me breath
when my lungs are choked
and give me hope
in the stars You throw.
Please give me strength
for my broken bones
and give me love
like the love You hold.

"...not my will, but Yours be done."

"love never fails you..."

Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most

Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside

Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you

Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time

Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don’t

"Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you

When my heart won’t make a sound
When I can’t turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this

Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life

Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you" *


my heart fails
my eyes fail
my home fails
those near me fail

but You are love
and love never fails



*brandon heath

rainy day

Checking my mail fifty times on the school computer...pretending to do something and have a reason to be on the computer. But there's no point! Got nothing to do between 10:15 and 3:30!

I'm feeling kind of hurt by something someone told me and then didn't turn out the way she had said...Lord, help me humble myself and remember this is not about me. I am happy for her because this is about her and I love her. Help me to say a prayer for her and her future every time I feel like being offended. I love You, Amen.

I wish I had

I wish I had hope
I wish I had peace
I wish I had a heart
to carry love to those in need

I wish I was sweeter
more gentle, and kind
but I'll never be
the perfect kind

Cause my hopes not in me
and my hearts not set free
I can't bring peace
when I carry a sword

My world is me
and my eyes are blind
to others who struggle
while I walk right by

I was born with this need
To love and be loved
But no one has filled it
So I lock the doors

I lock the doors
to my white washed tomb
I lock the doors
to this empty room

Pride is blinding
and anger imprisons
I don't know the difference
between rage and me

So I need a light
a star on the rise
A hill filled with stardust
to lift up my brow

One that provides
truth and redemption
and opens the door
to peal back my pride

I need a Shepherd
To lay down my head
and walk me by waters
That quiet my dreams

Cause It's not about a wish
A dream carried by wings
its about a truth
a prayer I can scream
A truth I can speak
to a God who will hear
He's reached down to save me
to carry my cross
That is eternal
That is a hope
A hope to hold onto
and never let go
He is my faith
He is my hope
He is the heart
inside me that grows

He makes me gentle
He makes me kind
He is the hand of help
that holds mine

Follow the light
Breath in the peace
Cause He is a Prince
and a King who won't leave

sun shines brighter

In the midst of the mundane and in the midst of the turmoil
The sun can always shine in your soul, flowers can blossom in your heart
If things are at peace, and no pain is hitting you, the sun shines then too
Today is a new day, it's a day to live, to make new dreams and provide more kindness
The clouds can't keep the sun away
So don't tell it it can
Take off your sunglasses and smile about today
Smile in the thought that you are alive
This is a gift, not a burden, this thing we've called life, it is a gift
already opened unwrapped and in your lap
Don't leave it outside and forget its presence
Don't hide it in a closet and let the shadows live your life
You are a soul who's all its own, and if we don't know you, there won't be another you to know
You are the first, and you are the last, let us breath in your nature
Let us look in your eyes and hold peace together
Because today is all we have right now
Take off your sunglasses so you can truly see the sun, there is no reason to shade it from your heart

The sun shines brighter when you smile

knowledge and art, science and the heart

All were made, all were formed
all uniquely, to the core
different gifts in little bags
that came with us
our first day, our first day to breath

I ran and climbed
and colored pictures
he sat and read
and never smiled
she swung and sung
about the autumn
and her eyes sparkled
for her Father
each of us revealing truth
about the God of the universe
none of us
the same are formed
but all of us uniquely born

I only ask one question then
to the God of the ancient sun above
what do you ask, of us
Dear Father
what would you hope we do
with all the gifts you freely gave
and love and grace so true
would you require that I sit
learn from books
and level my life on grades?
or would you say that I must go
to the ends of the earth
to ancient Rome and search
for every wise ones thought
and learn from history?

now would you mind
would you mind at all
if I were to spend my time
feeling the music
of my world
and bask in sunlight
and paint and read
and fill my head
with the heavenlys?
would you mind
would you mind at all
if I only travelled the world
and had no money
but only searched to know the souls
of those who roam
who roam in places I don't yet know?

I don't think You'd mind
You wouldn't mind at all
if I ran around and stood so tall
so tall that I could see
above the clouds and
and the American dream
and looked through all the fog
and found that truth was not in me
but it was found in You
its found in flowers and clouds
and sails, and babies eyes
with which we find sweet innocence
truth is found
in all the tales, the tales we tell our daughters
pirate ships and princess shoes
hold more than just a story
the tales we tell our sons
we've found mean more than
all we thought
its freedom and life
and love and feet
feet that take us anywhere
so Father, I thank You
for giving us our freedom
to live and learn the ways we do
no matter who we answer to
because in the end we'll all be answering to You

In the midst

Read this, in the midst of it all, I find peace in the truthful words of a humble, Christ following group of people, and in this case, Chad DeMiguel. It's a short blog entry offering wise principles and simple, pure words for our own thoughts and consciousness for this election.

me.

she and me

She walks in, heaviness meets her. Everyone is there, none of them stare. Some say hi, shoot a smile...but they are quickly back to their lives. Their gold. She is not gold to them.
Walking, empty noise surrounds her. She hears but does not know. She walks but does not go. She speaks but does not weep...the words she'd really like to say. Her weight inside, it's heavy like gold.
Older ones know. They've been there before, or known a flower such as her. It will change someday, she says that's what they'd tell her. She knows they're wise. They hold so much gold inside. But she is not gold, not to them nor to her.

Send me the gold, throw it on me, The weight of all that certainty would lift me up, into the sky, and I would fly away so far, so far that I could see, the ugliness of humanity and what it should have been. I'd fly so hi that I would know, the clouds are better beds for me and mom and dad are fragile too. Brothers and sisters all reading their lines, this is what I want to hear so this is what I'll say. Hearing things from either way will satisfy my cavity and I will sigh in deepest need, but too afraid to ask for ears. To afraid to ask them why all of this falls down on me.

He will come, He'll lift me up, just like He does on every day. Every day that ends with me and starts with my breath being freed. He'll lift me up, into the sky, and I would fly away so close, so close that I could see, the beauty of The Heavenly and how much He truly loves me.

This weightlessness just feels like gold.

the darkest night before morning

i breath in the chill..
my heart faintly beats.

it is cold and
it is still.
I hear no life,
I feel no warmth.

The only pulse is slow
and without rhythm.

The wind blows past,
as I walk in the night.
The ground is still,
I am all that I hear.

Shades of black
make the squares that I see,
tall and empty houses
on this street.
Dark windows,
no lights to be seen.
No life in my dream,
just the chill...
just me.

I walk, my footsteps repeat.
I walk, I look down at my feet,
I slowly point my eyes towards the sky
and before me, where is He?

I guess I wasn't expecting anybody...
if any presence is with me I know it's not Him.

The water beside me is black,
it barely moves,
it is still.

Am I going somewhere?
I think that I've walked this way before
and it has brought me back again.
It has brought me nowhere.

Maybe this time someOne will come,
maybe He'll change the path for me.

Under the bridge, might be something...
I think I'll go under...
what could he do to me
that He couldn't save me from?
I'll be okay, I'll walk in and
go under that way.

Nothing. I hear nothing and see nothing,
I feel nothing but still,
I think there is something...
God be with me. There is power in Your name.

GOD

OH MY GOSH, I'm pretty sure I definitely KNOW that I will do missionary work most of my life because being home is so SO stressful. It is so fast-paced and crazy and stressful. If there is one word I don't want to use when describing my life, it is the word stressful or anything like it. Life is not meant to be stressful, fast-paced and so busy that you don't have time to experience God and smell the roses in life. The entire reason we are on this earth in the first place is to enjoy God and KNOW Him. It is so easy for people to make life about them and thinking that their days should consist of ways to make THEMSELVES happy and accomplish their goals. WHHAAAAT? That is so messed up and far away from Gods point of life. Gods point is point A. We have been following point ZZZ by following our own selfish happiness. Honestly, we wouldn't even be alive without Him and we run around life crazy people trying to acquire our own satisfaction and happiness on this earth. ON HIS earth...that we think is ours.

O God, my peaceful, loving Father, please help humanity. Cure us of this disease. We move so fast, God. And for what? We think maybe we know what "it is," this goal we are always after...trying to accomplish...but we don't have a clue! And this whole time we are following after it...we are missing You. We walk right by You in a bumble bee or a rainbow and don't even notice your creation. Yu say hello through an old mans smile and we do not see. You give us a giat hug when the sun is shining and we stand, with our backs to You and our faces trying to embrace the world instead. We do not feel the warmth of Your love through the sunshine, Lord. That is so tragic. Honestly, I'm surprised You haven't destroyed this earth yet.

You have so much patience, Lord. You love us so much that even when we throw dirt in Your face and walk away You say, "I love you." Whether to silently to Yourself or out loud to us, I don't know but Lord, You love us. You truly and fully love us dirty, filthy, hateful sinners. You give us a love that cannot be tarnished by fire or rusted by water. Your love cannot be destroyed or broken or misplaced. God, we can bruise it and scratch it and reject it but You will never stop offering it to us. You heal instantly God. It is like when You were bruised and broken on the cross and still, YOU ROSE AGAIN! That is how Your love is, but it's instant.
God. You amaze me. If that is what You were trying to accomplish, then CHEERS! because You did it. Your love IS extravagant...like that song, Lord. You are so good, Father.

I love You with all my heart, let me not forget Your Godness, Katelyn

i am so bad at blogging :/

Hey everyone, sorry my max amount of blogging was twice in the czech. =0 I was doing a lot and it is hard for me to put into words all that God does. Especially on mission trips. Just know that He did A LOT and there are so many new czechs interested in going to youth group now and God is totally thriving in the cesky tesin area! pray pray pray for the czech republic and the young students who are searching for more than atheism can offer. bless you all, kate

students!!

hello!! carter and i met our students tonight. we have level two together and we have 4 girls and 3 boys. petra, mirka, luska and another girl who i dont remember =0 our guys are mical (michael), honska and our translator guys name that I dont remember. we all get along really well and had pretty good discussions. they understand quite well for the 'level' the are at. carter totally took it away tonight in discussion groups. i totally clammed up and carter definitely spoke well with the czechs in our class. He spoke just like a normal conversation with friends and made it really easy for the kids to interact. I think I just felt like I had this box I needed to fit into for teaching and speaking with the students and thats totally not how it should be. God has freedom within His plan and I pray that I can grasp that as I teach! I need not have expectations for myself because God is the One at work here, not me :) thank goodness. please pray that I surrender to God i my teaching and let go of the reigns. I consciously desire to give Him control of teaching and leading but for some reason without thought I cannot let go. i just automatically take control. I guess thats human desires for ya, to be in control of things. well, thats my thought today, please pray pray pray!!!!! the other half of our team left for zlin yesterday so pray for them as well!!! oh gosh, I just feel satan all the time so pray constantly that Christ binds Him. This camp is not a playground for the devil. God is strong and He is might and power and He is walking with us and filling us up. anyway, i gotta go :) pray pray pray!!

katka :)

czech words of the day, Děkuji: (day.kwee) thank you

Ahoy!: hello and goodbye. (like aloha) haha!
peace. :)